Society says as young people we are lazy, naive, rebellious, and followers not leaders. The world does not expect much from us as young people and that has transferred over to the church. We are told we need to follow other's examples not be the examples. The bible has very different things to say, and I'm hoping as a young christian myself at 22 years old I can help other young Christians strive to be leaders not followers, to be servants not those who are served, to find worth in God's eyes not the world's eyes. 1 Timothy 4: 12 says, "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."
About me: My name is Caleb I am 22 years old and I recently graduated from Pepperdine University. I am not a young person who has been rejected by society so I am lashing out, quite the opposite. I found myself in college to be a part of the world, I drank, I partied, I went on spring break trips to Mexico, I was in a fraternity, I even modeled professionally in LA for a while. What I realized is that some where along the way I had succumbed to the World's expectations of what a college student should be and put God on the back burner. My mind set was that I had time to be a good Christian and an example when I was older, I realize now that there's no better time to serve God and be an example then the now. I have rededicated my life to Christ and helping young people do the same. I am a pseudo college intern at my church and can't wait to see the way God will challenge me.
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
I was reading Romans 12 and came across this and immediately thought that I want to read this to my wife on our wedding day with my vows, this is the love I want.
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
Guys take note on this! Awesome advice.
Mark Williams is a great source for dating/marriage advice as a Christian. I love the suggestion he brings up here about creating a journal to prepare for your wife and then giving it to her as a gift. What better gift could there be on your wedding day then to actually read the prayers and preparation that have been all for you before your husband even knew you? I think I will start doing this very soon.
Why do people lead other people on? It happens all the time and chances are you guys have been on a side of this at least one time in your life. I have narrowed it down to two reasons why this happens.
1. Selfishness (the most common reason)
People like the attention they get when they flirt with others of the opposite sex, and it raises their self esteem. Even if that person is not interested in the other person, people like it when other’s become interested in them or give them some kind of attention. This usually means that person is not secure in themselves and is seeking security by the attention.
The most common reason is probably that person wants to get some action without being in a relationship. So they lead a girl/guy on to make them think they are interested in them, maybe even tell them they are and then wait until they get what they want and then are done with the whole situation or try to keep it “friends with benefits.” This is just a person fulfilling selfish lustful desires.
2. Unintentional Leading on (not as common)
Sometimes people do not realize they are leading someone on. They may be a really nice and friendly person. Sometimes people’s friendliness can be mistaken for flirting, but I would say it depends on who’s interpreting the friendliness. I think I have unintentionally led girls on before because I am a naturally friendly person, but if you follow the friendship guidelines I have set or your own boundaries (see my ”Just Friends” post) then this unintentional leading on should not be a problem.
More often then not though you know what you are doing when you do it.
Guys: This is to the guys. You know what you are doing and there is no excuse for this. If you think it may be a problem, set strong boundaries for your friendships. If you are genuinely interested in a girl take time to think things through and when you are ready be intentional about your actions. You need to communicate to that girl exactly what your intentions are, games are for boys who have no respect for women. If you claim to be a Christian man you need to act like one.
Watch this video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4t043kvVh0
This video is a bit intense but the point is correct, I’m tired of having to pick up the pieces for the boys who claim to be Christians men but yet do stuff like lead girls on. There is no room for selfishness in Christianity, especially when you are involving Christian sisters and are taking advantage of their hopes to marry good Christian men. If you want to do these things, go ahead just don’t bear the name of a Christian.
1 Corinthians 16:13-14 — “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.”
“How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments! I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. Blessed are you, O Lord; teach me your statutes! With my lips I declare all the rules of your mouth.”
A Christian man should be seeking the Lord and if you are leading a girl on or trying to have fun without the commitment of a serious relationship, you aren’t one. We need to be examples to our Christian sisters, because one day we will be the leaders of our families and be accountable for their souls. If you have a daughter one day, as many of you guys will, would you want a Christian man leading your daughter on, potentially breaking her heart?
Girls: You too can also lead guys on. If you are doing this you are just as guilty as the guys. But I will bring up another issue too. You should not allow guys to lead you on, guard your hearts and make a guy be intentional, if he is not do not give him the time of day. Follow the concept of emotional purity! Where you are guarding your emotional commitment to guys as well as your physical. If a guy is pursuing you and you do not think he is ready for marriage or husband material than do not allow him to lead you on. When girls are lead on that usually means they have an emotional attachment to that guy, but a Christian girl should be a challenge. A guy should never think he has a chance at a casual relationship with her, he should be able to tell if he want’s something with her he needs to pursue God to get to her. I love the quote that says, “a woman’s heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her.” This is exactly how it should be.
Girls keep guidelines for friendships with Christian guys. If a guy is leading you on that usually means you have had time alone, or too much communication. Be aware of the signs of boundaries being crossed, and it’s your responsibility to be up front with the guy. If you are genuinely interested in the Christian guy then spend time with him in groups and make him go through the proper steps if he is into you. The proper steps being courting in my opinion. Don’t succumb to your desire for marriage, trust in God and make a man work hard to get to you. A guy who only wants attention from you or a casual relationship will not want to work hard. Guys can tell an easy girl from a mile away let him know you aren’t one.
I watched the movie “Courageous,” yesterday and this quote really stuck out to me. If I am so blessed to have a wife and kids one day, if that’s God’s plan for me, this is a resolution I will uphold. If only more fathers and husbands today lived by these principles.
“I do solemnly resolve before God to take full responsibility for myself, my wife, and my children. I WILL love them, protect them, serve them, and teach them the Word of God as the spiritual leader of my home. I WILL be faithful to my wife, to love and honor her, and be willing to lay down my life for her as Jesus Christ did for me. I WILL bless my children and teach them to love God with all of their hearts, all of their minds, and all of their strength. I WILL train them to honor authority and live responsibly. I WILL confront evil, pursue justice, and love mercy. I WILL pray for others and treat them with kindness, respect, and compassion. I WILL work diligently to provide for the needs of my family. I WILL forgive those who have wronged me and reconcile with those I have wronged. I WILL learn from my mistakes, repent of my sins, and walk with integrity as a man answerable to God. I WILL seek to honor God, be faithful to His church, obey His Word, and do His will. I WILL courageously work with the strength God provides to fulfill this resolution for the rest of my life and for His glory. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. —-Joshua 24:15”
1. A Christian woman wants a man, not a boy. The Bible says that a Christian woman is God’s favor/blessing to a Christian man - Pr. 18:22, “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives a favor from the Lord.” A Christian woman has a lot to offer and is not about to waste it on a teenager in a man’s body. There’s a time to be a boy, and play with boy’s things and toys, but a Christian woman is not a play-thing! Joseph, Mary’s husband was such a man. He loved her and wanted to marry her - nothing special there. But when Mary conceived in a miraculous way by the Holy Spirit and Joseph was told to marry her despite his hurt and confusion - this is where we discover the real man in Joseph. He married her, accepted the child she carried, obeyed God and left his hometown and business to hide in Egypt in order to protect the child. He even refrained from sexual intimacy with Mary while she carried the child. We know he loved her when they first became engaged - but the man in him continued to love and care for her despite the “baggage” that came with her new circumstances. He knew what better, worse, or different meant. You know, any “boy” can take a wife but it takes a man to take a wife along with all the things that a new wife brings into marriage. Christian women want a real man, not just a boy pretending to be a man. 2. Christian women want men who are both spiritual and manly. David, Israel’s second king was a good example of this. He was a soldier, a leader, well trained in the ways of war and politics. He was very much grounded in this world and his place and role in it. Yet the Bible says that he was a man after God’s own heart (Acts 13:22). A Christian woman wants a real man who is neither conflicted in his masculinity or ashamed of his faith and spirituality. She wants a person who can be both a man able to make his way in the world and a spiritual leader in his own home and the church. I suppose the women here today could add several more things to the list but let me mention just one more thing I believe Christian women want. 3. Christian women want men who will make them happy, not just make them laugh. Humor is an attractive quality in men but it doesn’t guarantee happiness. In Solomon’s love poem “Song of Solomon” the Shulamite woman that Solomon is engaged to marry talks about the things that make a Godly woman happy: A purified character 2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— The young woman compares Solomon’s character to the lovely fragrance of perfume that is experienced by others, not just herself. A man who is well thought of because of his integrity, goodness, kindness, and love by others is a joy to his wife. A man whose character is continually purified from sin by God is a joy to his wife and a blessing to his community. The ability to make a woman feel secure 5 Dark am I, yet lovely, In this verse the Shulamite woman feels insecure about the way she looks compared to the other women at the Royal Court. She’s a country girl with a dark tan compared to the white skinned rich girls at the palace. In ch. 2:1 she feels better about herself using a term given to her by her beloved. In ch. 2:16 she expresses the idea of possessiveness and assurance as her confidence grows. In ch. 7:10 (READ), after they are married she is absolutely secure in the fact that she is the only one he loves. A man who can’t or won’t make the effort to make his wife feel secure - can’t make her happy. Christian women want men who desire to make them happy, not just men who desire them. It’s one sure way to know if someone truly loves you and is “in love” - there is the desire to make the other happy before making yourself happy.
for your love is more delightful than wine.
3 Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes;
your name is like perfume poured out.
No wonder the young women love you!
daughters of Jerusalem,
dark like the tents of Kedar,
like the tent curtains of Solomon.
6 Do not stare at me because I am dark,
because I am darkened by the sun.
