Society says as young people we are lazy, naive, rebellious, and followers not leaders. The world does not expect much from us as young people and that has transferred over to the church. We are told we need to follow other's examples not be the examples. The bible has very different things to say, and I'm hoping as a young christian myself at 22 years old I can help other young Christians strive to be leaders not followers, to be servants not those who are served, to find worth in God's eyes not the world's eyes. 1 Timothy 4: 12 says, "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."
About me: My name is Caleb I am 22 years old and I recently graduated from Pepperdine University. I am not a young person who has been rejected by society so I am lashing out, quite the opposite. I found myself in college to be a part of the world, I drank, I partied, I went on spring break trips to Mexico, I was in a fraternity, I even modeled professionally in LA for a while. What I realized is that some where along the way I had succumbed to the World's expectations of what a college student should be and put God on the back burner. My mind set was that I had time to be a good Christian and an example when I was older, I realize now that there's no better time to serve God and be an example then the now. I have rededicated my life to Christ and helping young people do the same. I am a pseudo college intern at my church and can't wait to see the way God will challenge me.
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
In light of Valentine’s day I have a challenge for you all. Instead of moping around in your singleness or dwelling on it, like society tends to make us do on this day, spend this Valentine’s day differently. I challenge you to spend the day bringing glory to God. Here are some possibilities I have thought of; spend your day helping someone who needs it, spend all day in the word, spend the day fasting and praying thanking God for everything he has given you, encourage people with text messages, letters, etc, or try this one. Spend your day thinking of God’s purpose for you and thanking him for being single. For working in his time and not ours, and most of all think of how you are going to trust in his purpose for you above all. It’s days like Valentine’s day we think we need to have someone to be happy or to be complete and the fact is we don’t, we are complete with God alone. Think about these things and spend this day honoring God our one true Love.
The problem sometimes with young Christians when it comes to dating and well a lot of things is we blame society. Christian women say I dress this way because society says that it is pretty or attractive. Christian men say I date girls who dress this way because society has trained me to find that attractive. Then both Christian men and women blame the other for their low standards and for lowering their own standards to be attractive to the opposite sex. It’s an ongoing blame game and endless circle of basically making excuses for why we follow the world’s version of dating. Then it occurred to me, there seems to be a common theme for all this. We are putting too much emphasis and care in making ourselves attractive for each other and not enough emphasis or care in making ourselves attractive for God. If we make ourselves attractive for God then there is no blaming society, because God doesn’t revolve around what society thinks is attractive. So this what I suggest, focus on becoming as beautiful as you can in God’s eyes and then you will attract a REAL Christian man or woman who will be attracted to you first and foremost because of your soul.
Christian women are taught to idealize and admire the Proverbs 31 woman and, hey, I get it. She is pretty awesome. She is not, however, the only example of a Godly woman in the Bible. A single Christian woman can have just as much impact in God’s Kingdom. We don’t view single Christian men as less-than, so why do we sometimes treat our sisters as such?
Instead, we should be offering our sisters grace, not condemnation, for choosing to be single or choosing to not have children. We should have a right understanding of scripture, too, knowing that marriage is not the ultimate goal, nor children the ultimate prize. A life devoted unto Christ, loving Him and loving others–that is the prize–Him and Him alone.
Lyrics from a worship song
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting I will serve You
While I’m waiting I will worship
While I’m waiting I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait.
While a woman is waiting to find the man of her dreams, she should not fall into a slump of misery. Her heart should be enlivened and she should grow deeper in her relationship with God. If she happens to fall in love with a man, oh how lucky that man will be to find a woman who is so devoted to living her life for the Lord. If she does not, that’s fine too, because her relationship with God is enough for her and provides the eternal fulfillment that no human relationship can.
When a woman’s eyes are solely focused on receiving the applause of Heaven, and no one or nothing else — not even the Church community, they will develop a different feeling about their singleness, one that is joyful rather than bitter.
I have been reading a lot of stuff on tumblr about girls being mad and frustrated about being single. So this is for the single Christian sisters, it’s a couple pieces of some articles I read today I hope you can be encouraged by it.
A question that has been on my mind for the last couple weeks is what boundaries need to be set with Christian friends of the opposite sex? I wanted to know this answer because I think in the past I have unintentionally led Christian girl friends of mine on. This has also been an issue in my college group in the past and I don’t want it to happen again. Because when it happens, even when people casual date in our college group and it doesn’t work out it causes dissension and people inevitably don’t come back because of it, and this is a real problem. I’m sure all of you have had those friends that have ended up liking you or thinking there was something more because you didn’t have proper boundaries set. This is especially a problem with Christian girls and guys because we are all looking for a good Christian spouse. So I guess I will attempt to what boundaries should be set in a Christian friendship.
1. Do not hang out alone with a Christian friend of the opposite sex.
Although you may think it is fine, I have seen so many cases where one person innocently asked another friend to coffee to catch up and the other person thought they were pursuing them.
Do not even have a bible study one on one with a friend of the opposite sex. For Christians studying the bible with someone of the opposite sex it is attractive, it mimics what husbands and wives or suppose to do, talking about deep issues, praying together etc makes you vulnerable and creates a deep trust in that person.
Car rides too can be an issue, if you are going on a road trip etc say a Church retreat do not ride alone with someone of the opposite sex you are just friends with.
Do things in group settings, all these situations can be avoided if you just bring another person along. It’s easy to do, if you are having a bible study invite a couple more people.
2. Text messaging/Facebooking etc
Be cautious on the amount of texting you do with a friend of the opposite sex. This is an area I’ve gotten myself in trouble with. Do not send nonsense texts, meaning texts that are not necessary to send such as, “Hey how’s your day going?” “What’s up?” In my case “Yo playa wat it do?” Also texting after a certain hour can be bad, I try to limit my text messages to before 10pm. Content is very important, I joke around a lot and this can be taken as flirting.
Facebook messages, pokes, likes, comments should also be limited. I have known people who have totally creeped out a friend by liking too many of their photos or comments. Facebook chat can also be bad, it’s real easy to be bored and message someone without thinking about it. But a simple message often leads to a long conversation, although I love deep conversations sometimes people read into them and take them to mean something more.
Skyping is also very personal and intimate, you might just think you are catching up with a friend who may be at college out of town but this can also give friends the wrong idea.
3. When hanging out (which hopefully is in groups)
Do not consistently single someone out to talk to of the opposite sex. This can mean being away from the group and talking to them alone. Or just continually looking at and talking to them more than anyone else while in the group.
Touching gives too many wrong signals. Avoid this. When you are talking to someone touching their arm can be taken for more, leg etc really any touching should be avoided. Massages also will convey more, I used to also be guilty of this one though I have stopped.
4. Do not be over complimentary
Simple messages encouraging someone of the opposite sex can go a long way, but keep it to that. Messages letting them know what a good Christian woman/man they are and telling them how you admire them can definitely be taken the wrong way.
You shouldn’t comment on someone’s physical appearance, don’t get me wrong some situations a simple nice hair cut or I like you shirt can be okay, but telling someone they look really pretty or cute is not appropriate.
5. Content of conversation
When you are having a conversation with a friend of the opposite sex, some conversation topics should be avoided. Do not confide your problems in a friend of the opposite sex especially love or dating problems. This can go the wrong way, if you are asking for instance why can’t I find a normal Christian guy/girl or asking the opposite sex ways you can improve yourself you will be sending the wrong idea and inviting compliments from that person.
I know this list is not perfect but I hope it helps a little bit. If you have anything to add or think shouldn’t be on there let me know I want to learn as much as I can so I can help others and myself. Be careful and set boundaries in friendships, do not pursue something unless you are for sure it will lead to something serious. It all comes down to finding security in God over girls/guys.
Someone brought this to be attention recently, that I had a lot of posts addressing dating and marriage and wants for men and women, but that I hadn’t talked about remaining single. I full heartedly believe there is a large calling for some of us to remain single. Although the notion of “being alone” scares many of us today it was consider a blessing in the bible. In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul says, “ I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.8 Now to the unmarriedand the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Paul knew that being married had its own burdens as far as ministering goes, it is a lot harder to put God first when you have a marriage to worry about and kids to take care of. Paul continues in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35, “I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.” It is not a sin to remain single, even for your entire life. The most important thing in life is not finding a mate and having children, but serving God. Some people I believe are called to remain single their whole lives, but what a wonderful calling! To serve God free from restraint, there is so much to be said about that and so much you can do for God’s kingdom.
But remember that Paul mentions here singleness is for those who have the self control to remain from sexual immorality. So if it is an issue for you and you burn with passion or desire is too strong, God has reserved marriage for us although the burdens will be greater in your walk with God. But both lives have their rewards and both lives have their callings to do great things for God’s kingdom. The important thing to remember is God comes first, no matter what life you choose!
I have to explain this topic to a lot of people so why not make a post about it? It seems like every one around is either in a serious relationship, engaged, or recently married and those who are single long for the same sense of security with a sense of urgency. In high school I never really dated, don’t get me wrong I had minor crushes here and there but I always figured I would get into a serious relationship when I get into college. I never had a serious relationship in college, I had a couple “flings” but they never amounted to anything. Mostly because I wanted to wait to get into a serious relationship until I found someone I thought I could marry. I became frustrated with God because I hadn’t met a girl I thought I could date seriously. I know a lot of people who have felt the same way I did. Waiting for a Christian spouse can be a frustrating feeling, we want that happiness we see around us, the joy of sharing our life with another person, and want to endure the pleasures and stresses of being a parent. Because of this many of us rush into a relationship, or try to control the timing of meeting our future spouse. DON’T DO THIS!
I was talking to my friend Kyle tonight and the topic of dating came up. He has recently started coming to my small group on Sunday nights and he told me he doesn’t feel like he can date yet even though there is a girl he is interested in. When I asked why not, he told me that he needs to be in the right place spiritually himself before he can be accountable for someone else’s soul. He said he wants to find security in God instead of finding his security in a girl. I completely agree with Kyle on both these points. I feel like before we date we need to be secure in our Christian walks. Not only this but, we need to reach the point of being okay serving God as a single Christian. When we get to the point of being okay no matter how God chooses to use us single or relationship, that is when we are ready to be in someone else’s life. The point of trusting in God completely is the point when God surprises us. I still think I am not there yet and I need to be there before I can be a spiritual leader for the girl I am thinking about marrying. Find your security in God instead of security in a relationship, that’s when things will start working out for you. Remember the whole purpose of dating is to get married, you need to be the person you want to be for your spouse before you start dating them.
