Society says as young people we are lazy, naive, rebellious, and followers not leaders. The world does not expect much from us as young people and that has transferred over to the church. We are told we need to follow other's examples not be the examples. The bible has very different things to say, and I'm hoping as a young christian myself at 22 years old I can help other young Christians strive to be leaders not followers, to be servants not those who are served, to find worth in God's eyes not the world's eyes. 1 Timothy 4: 12 says, "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."
About me: My name is Caleb I am 22 years old and I recently graduated from Pepperdine University. I am not a young person who has been rejected by society so I am lashing out, quite the opposite. I found myself in college to be a part of the world, I drank, I partied, I went on spring break trips to Mexico, I was in a fraternity, I even modeled professionally in LA for a while. What I realized is that some where along the way I had succumbed to the World's expectations of what a college student should be and put God on the back burner. My mind set was that I had time to be a good Christian and an example when I was older, I realize now that there's no better time to serve God and be an example then the now. I have rededicated my life to Christ and helping young people do the same. I am a pseudo college intern at my church and can't wait to see the way God will challenge me.
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
Just Friends
A question that has been on my mind for the last couple weeks is what boundaries need to be set with Christian friends of the opposite sex? I wanted to know this answer because I think in the past I have unintentionally led Christian girl friends of mine on. This has also been an issue in my college group in the past and I don’t want it to happen again. Because when it happens, even when people casual date in our college group and it doesn’t work out it causes dissension and people inevitably don’t come back because of it, and this is a real problem. I’m sure all of you have had those friends that have ended up liking you or thinking there was something more because you didn’t have proper boundaries set. This is especially a problem with Christian girls and guys because we are all looking for a good Christian spouse. So I guess I will attempt to what boundaries should be set in a Christian friendship.
1. Do not hang out alone with a Christian friend of the opposite sex.
Although you may think it is fine, I have seen so many cases where one person innocently asked another friend to coffee to catch up and the other person thought they were pursuing them.
Do not even have a bible study one on one with a friend of the opposite sex. For Christians studying the bible with someone of the opposite sex it is attractive, it mimics what husbands and wives or suppose to do, talking about deep issues, praying together etc makes you vulnerable and creates a deep trust in that person.
Car rides too can be an issue, if you are going on a road trip etc say a Church retreat do not ride alone with someone of the opposite sex you are just friends with.
Do things in group settings, all these situations can be avoided if you just bring another person along. It’s easy to do, if you are having a bible study invite a couple more people.
2. Text messaging/Facebooking etc
Be cautious on the amount of texting you do with a friend of the opposite sex. This is an area I’ve gotten myself in trouble with. Do not send nonsense texts, meaning texts that are not necessary to send such as, “Hey how’s your day going?” “What’s up?” In my case “Yo playa wat it do?” Also texting after a certain hour can be bad, I try to limit my text messages to before 10pm. Content is very important, I joke around a lot and this can be taken as flirting.
Facebook messages, pokes, likes, comments should also be limited. I have known people who have totally creeped out a friend by liking too many of their photos or comments. Facebook chat can also be bad, it’s real easy to be bored and message someone without thinking about it. But a simple message often leads to a long conversation, although I love deep conversations sometimes people read into them and take them to mean something more.
Skyping is also very personal and intimate, you might just think you are catching up with a friend who may be at college out of town but this can also give friends the wrong idea.
3. When hanging out (which hopefully is in groups)
Do not consistently single someone out to talk to of the opposite sex. This can mean being away from the group and talking to them alone. Or just continually looking at and talking to them more than anyone else while in the group.
Touching gives too many wrong signals. Avoid this. When you are talking to someone touching their arm can be taken for more, leg etc really any touching should be avoided. Massages also will convey more, I used to also be guilty of this one though I have stopped.
4. Do not be over complimentary
Simple messages encouraging someone of the opposite sex can go a long way, but keep it to that. Messages letting them know what a good Christian woman/man they are and telling them how you admire them can definitely be taken the wrong way.
You shouldn’t comment on someone’s physical appearance, don’t get me wrong some situations a simple nice hair cut or I like you shirt can be okay, but telling someone they look really pretty or cute is not appropriate.
5. Content of conversation
When you are having a conversation with a friend of the opposite sex, some conversation topics should be avoided. Do not confide your problems in a friend of the opposite sex especially love or dating problems. This can go the wrong way, if you are asking for instance why can’t I find a normal Christian guy/girl or asking the opposite sex ways you can improve yourself you will be sending the wrong idea and inviting compliments from that person.
I know this list is not perfect but I hope it helps a little bit. If you have anything to add or think shouldn’t be on there let me know I want to learn as much as I can so I can help others and myself. Be careful and set boundaries in friendships, do not pursue something unless you are for sure it will lead to something serious. It all comes down to finding security in God over girls/guys.
Thanks man, it’s refreshing to see there are other young Christian men out there after seeing mostly all the spiritual posts on tumblr from mainly women. I was in his spot at his age exactly, my freshman year of college I was spiritual strong I didn’t drink party any of that, instead I filled my life with God. Then my junior year I decided or tricked myself into believing I needed to get the college experience. I guess what I figured out is that I wasn’t the Christian I wanted to be and I wasn’t happy. Life had consisted of going to parties, getting drunk and making out with girls. Things that are all worthless in the spectrum of things. I thought this would make me happy, it didn’t instead I had a guilty conscious all the time. Ultimately man it will be tough getting him to reconsider, people make their minds up and usually it takes them figuring it out on their own. What I would say is “as your friend I’m worried about your soul. This life on earth is nothing compared to eternity and why do you want to take a chance to have “fun” for a short time and ruin your chances for eternity. 1 john 2:15-16 says, “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.” As a Christian we are not to be of this world, you can’t be both. In 2nd peter it speaks of people who turn their back on the Lord, “If they have escaped the corruption of the world by knowing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and are again entangled in it and are overcome, they are worse off at the end than they were at the beginning. It would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than to have known it and then to turn their backs on the sacred command that was passed on to them. Of them the proverbs are true: “A dog returns to its vomit,”[ and, “A sow that is washed returns to her wallowing in the mud.”
