Combating expectations as young Christians

People always ask me why I don’t date and tell me by not dating around I will never be able to find a spouse or what I want in a girl. This article and answer by Joshua Harris pretty much sum up where I am coming from, and a great starting point for other Christians looking to start something romantic the right way.

In his book, I KISSED DATING GOODBYE, Joshua Harris describes why as a 

teen he gave up dating. It was because he believed that dating relationships 

are inherently unhealthy. Well, you may ask, “How else do I go about 

meeting and marrying the person of my dreams?” Harris, now happily 

married, suggests a series of steps that people can take to explore whether a 

friendship with someone of the opposite sex should lead to courtship and 

perhaps marriage. When we meet someone special, he says, we should first 

seek a deeper friendship. Although romance may seem more exciting, “it can 

also foster illusion and infatuation, obscuring the true character of each 

person.” Instead of dropping regular routines in order to spend time 

together, the couple should “find activities that pull [them] both into each 

other’s world of family, friends, work, … and ministry.” During this period of 

deepening friendship, flirting and “love talk” should be avoided. Both parties 

should then consult parents and trusted advisors about the advisability of 

moving beyond friendship. These mentors can help ask the hard questions, 

like: “Am I mature enough to marry?” “Am I able to support a wife?” Or, “Am 

I attracted to his looks or to his character?” 

As you consider your choice for a life partner, four “green lights” can help 

identify whether to stop the relationship or keep on going. First: Is this 

person a Christian? Second: Do you have a realistic vision of what life-long 

marriage is all about? Third: Does your romance meet with the approval of 

parents and godly friends? If you think you’re ready for marriage, but no one 

else does, that’s a red light, and you may need to reconsider. And fourth: Do 

you have a sense of God’s peace about your plans? Or do you feel 

apprehensive? If all the lights are green, Harris writes, the man should tell 

the woman, “We’re growing closer in friendship … and with your 

permission, I want to explore the possibility of marriage. I’m ready to be 

tested by you [and] your family. My desire is to win your heart.” then a 

couple agrees to move forward, they enter into a time the author calls 

“principled romance,” the testing and heart-winning stage of courtship. They 

ought to look for activities that allow them to spend time together among 

family and friends. They may also spend some limited time alone together in 

appropriate settings. After that, it’s time to fish or cut bait: To get engaged, or perhaps break off the relationship. 

There are three pivotal points to Jesus’ time here on earth, his life, his death, and his resurrection. For the most part it seems we remember him for his life and death and tend to forget about the third part, his resurrection, that is until this day. Why is Jesus’ resurrection important? I once had a Christian political theory class in college and the discussion was on Jesus’ resurrection and whether or not it was literal. To me if Jesus’ resurrection was not literal and did not physical happen, this faith is pointless. There would be no proof that Jesus was a deity, or fulfilled the prophecies of being the savior. I could not wrap my head around how someone could say he was not resurrected or reject the importance of this event. To me the resurrection is the part that should stand out the most to us, it is how Jesus conquered this world and Satan, it is how he proved to man that he was the one and only savior, that he fulfilled the thousand of years of prophecies, that everything in Jewish Law and history pointed to him.

1 Corinthians 15:14 “ And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith.”

So I challenge you all to remind yourself daily of the importance of not solely Jesus’ life and death, but of his resurrection too and what that meant to us. It is easy to be a Christian on Easter and remember Jesus’ resurrection then, but as Christians this is something that we are called to do daily even hourly! 

So Melissaoldnew wanted me to post an answer to these questions. They are a follow up to a discussion we were having previously.

“What denomination are you?”

“So we have to work for our salvation?”

My answer:

Question 1:

I am not a denomination or part of one, I am simply a Christian. A Christ follower, a servant and slave to God and his word. I earnestly and actively seek truth and align with other Christians no matter what background who are actively seeking whatever is truth regardless of what they have been taught or any preconceived notions they may have towards the word of God. The problem I have with denominations is that if you define yourself as one, it often supersedes who we really are suppose to be, and people automatically write us off if we aren’t their same denomination.

Question 2:

Do we have to have faith to be saved? Do we have to believe in God and Jesus to be saved? Are there any steps we have to take to be saved? Is there a life we have to live to be saved? The answer to all these questions is yes and all these things take “work.” You can’t say believing in God and Jesus doesn’t take work because that is simply not true. Having faith and keeping that faith is probably one of the hardest forms of “work” there is in a world that rejects Christ, and a world that tells you you’re ridiculous for believing in such a thing.  Today I think one of the most confused teachings or beliefs is that faith and works are mutually exclusive, they were never mutually exclusive in the Bible and it is even more clear if you explore early Christian writings by those people such as Polycarp that they were never intended to be mutually exclusive. Not for hundreds of years were they viewed this way, until Gnostics started teaching predestination and that nothing you did mattered. It is important to read the Bible in the context of the New Testament, how the books of the Bible come together on this issue taken as a whole. James pretty much clarifies this question for us.

“What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? 15 Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. 16 If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? 17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

 18 But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.”

   Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. 19 You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.

 20 You foolish person, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless? 21 Was not our father Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? 22 You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. 23 And the scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,” and he was called God’s friend. 24 You see that a person is considered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone.”

It is pretty hard to argue this blatant point about faith and works going hand in hand or faith in action going hand in hand. “Works” has become a red flag in modern Christianity and I think it’s because people thinks it means we can earn our salvation, almost like a form of indulgence. But whatever we do will never be deserving enough of salvation or heaven, we have been given a path to salvation by the grace of God. Everything we are told we need to do the life we are shown by Jesus’ example to live is all by the Grace of God. Does it take “work” “deeds” or “action” on our part? Absolutely. Our relationship with God is not one sided, he expects things from us as his children, he expects obedience from his children. In an effort to keep this answer from getting any longer I will leave with this last  set of scriptures in Matthew 7 which I think sums it up,

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ 23 Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’”

I recently had a talk with my dad about this slum I have been going through lately, I was trying to figure out what my deal was. I just have felt like I have been bombarded with temptation lately, more so than usual and I feel weaker than normal when facing it. He brought up the passage in Matthew 12, which reads,

“When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. ⁴⁴ Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. ⁴⁵ Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation.”

You may be wondering what does this have to do with my situation, well I will tell you. It is simply not good enough as a Christian to abstain from evil and sinful things. If you are not filling your life with positive and spiritually uplifting things it is like an unoccupied house inviting sin into it because there is nothing positive there. I wondered why i was suffering more than usual or giving into temptation more, well now i can tell you. It was because I had been slacking on my blogging, slacking on my nightly readings, and slacking on me fellowshipping with believers. All these things helped fill my “house” so there was no room for sinful things. When we are active in God’s word and in activities that bring glory to God we don’t have time or room for sin. We are strong against temptation! So remember fill your lives with spiritually uplifting activities and keep your “house” full with Godly things. 

“If you don’t feel strong desires for the manifestation of the glory of God, it is not because you have drunk deeply and are satisfied. It is because you have nibbled so long at the table of the world. Your soul is stuffed with small things, and there is no room for the great.” John Piper

We have tried so long to satisfy ourselves with the immediate little pleasures of the world, we get used to it and almost think we can be fully satisfied by it, but we can’t it always leaves an emptiness like when you have a snack when you need a meal. The only thing that can fully satisfy our desires and our needs is the manifestation of the glory of God, the only one who can fully satisfy us is God.

 One of the most difficult parts of being a Christian is not figuring out how dedicated we are really suppose to live, instead it’s not being discouraged and falling away when you decide to try and live that way. The realization of how weak we really are in comparison with what strong lives we are called to live causes us to make a choice, to either fail continuously but keep trying to live this dedicated life, or to not try at all. Choosing the first option, now that’s difficult.

Any questions or topics that have been on your minds that maybe you want me to address? Or something awesome that has happened to you this week a way God has blessed you that you would like to share?

When we think of idols we think of people in foreign countries bowing down before some little object they have placed somewhere in their house. We often think of it as something stupid and ignorant, almost in a sympathetic light because it seems so obvious that worshipping idols is detestable to God. But what are idols? Idols are anything you place above God. Anything! Your boyfriend can be an idol, your girlfriend can be an idol. Tumblr can be an idol. Your body can be an idol. How you are choosing to use your body can be idolatry. If you are choosing to have sex outside of marriage, engaging in any other sexual activity or are looking at pornography this has become your idol. If you are spending more time with anything in your life over God, then this has become an idol to you. We are idolaters at times, but don’t let this characterize you. “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship.” 

When people of God try to live their lives in the illusion of safety they waste their lives. John the baptist is a great example of taking risks for God, he called king Herod an adulterer when he divorced his own wife to take up his brother’s wife, and for this he had his head chopped off. Paul risked going to Jerusalem to minister to the poor despite the known risks. He was beaten and thrown into prison and shipped to Rome where he was later killed. Think of all the missionaries that gave their lives in order to bring the word of God to those who people who hadn’t had a chance to hear it. 

The Israelites were unwilling to take the risks they needed. When God promised them Canaan, they chose safety instead and because of it had struggles for thousands of years (read judges if you don’t believe me).

What about you? Are you caught in the mirage of safety and security, unable to take needed risks for the cause of God? “The tragic hypocrisy is that the enchantment of security lets us take risks every day for ourselves but paralyzes us from taking risks for others on the Calvary road of love.”There is no promise that every effort for the cause of God will succeed, at least in the short run. Jesus even says in Luke 21:16 “Some of you they will put to death. But what does he follow up with? In verse 18, “But not a hair on your head will perish.” God has given us a way to pursue risk, “by the strength that God supplies, in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ.” Every loss we risk for God and Jesus Christ, God promises to restore a thousandfold with eternal life in heaven.

“This is the promise that empowers us to take risks for the sake of Christ. It is not the impulse of Heroism, or the lust for adventure, or the courage of self-reliance, or the need to earn God’s favor. It is simple trust in Christ, that in him God will do everything necessary so that we can enjoy making much of him forever.”

Having faith in these promises is what makes it worth more to lose our lives for God, than wasting them for nothing.

After small group tonight I was talking with my friend about past relationships and possible future ones. He told me one thing he deals with that is constantly on his mind is having to tell his future spouse about his past mistakes sexually. He even went as far as to say it would kill him inside if his future spouse was a virgin because he would hate telling her that he wasn’t. He told me it was something he thought about nearly everyday. I’m sure many of you out there have wondered what it would be like telling your future spouse about the mistakes in your past. Maybe you’ve even thought of the possibility of them not wanting you anymore or rejecting you because of them. Thinking, what if I find the one and I tell them what I did and I lose them because of it? All these thoughts are natural as we are all sinners and have made mistakes. The thing is we have to realize is that person we meet down the road that God has planned for our lives will understand. Their mistakes may be different from your own, but they have mistakes as well. If you can’t forgive someone for what they have done for the past and accept them now as who they are, how can you expect them to accept you for all you’ve done? I used to think when I was younger maybe until I was in high school that I would only marry a girl if she was a virgin. Then I got to college and realized how stupid I was. I met wonderful Christian girls who had made mistakes in their past, girls who encouraged me, and had stronger faiths than I did. I thought to myself would I really want to miss out on having a wonderful wife like this because of a small mistake they made in their past? How could they forgive me for all I’ve done, and the mistakes I have made, if I can’t overlook this one thing. How would I feel if a woman I came to love met me and didn’t want to end up with me because I had made a mistake in my past that I regretted? All these thoughts made me realize that when it comes to marriage you are marrying every part of that person yes, but you are spending the rest of your life with that person and who they are now and will be in the future. That person in the past is dead when they put on Christ or ask God for forgiveness. If God can forgive them for what they have done on the spot and act like that sin was never there in the first place, shouldn’t we? 

 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.